I Called In Sick

 

I Called In Sick

I called in sick on Monday and told the boss I had a cold and would be out for a day or two.  Two days later I still didn’t want to return to work, so I called in and pretended it wasn’t a cold but the flu, and I’d need to stay out all week.  After a week I still didn’t want to go back to work, so I called the boss and told her it wasn’t flu after all, it was covid and I’d be out two weeks.  After a month I called in and said it wasn’t covid after all.  I said I was pregnant and needed a year leave.  The boss said I couldn’t be pregnant because I’m a man and fired me.  So, I sued her for gender discrimination and won a settlement five times my annual salary.  The settlement money ran out in five years, so I tried to find another job.  No one would hire me because my former boss gave me poor references, so I applied for disability.  I went to the disability office, sat down with a case worker, and confessed my history of faking illness to get time off.  She loved my story and gave me a mental disability status.  When I returned to her office the next day, she was gone.  Her boss said she was out with a cold and would be back in a couple days.