LET ME IN!

“LET ME IN!”  The pounding on the front door shook the house.  Dora dropped the remote, sprung off the couch, and shouted at the twins who she was babysitting, “STAY HERE!  DON’T MOVE!”  Dora grabbed a hockey stick from the coat closet and stood her ground in the foyer, ready to split the intruder’s head open. 

            “GO AWAY!” she shouted.

“LET ME IN!” the intruder yelled through the door.  

“I CALLED 9-1-1!” screamed Dora, as the pounding rattled the locks and hinges. 

By the time the police arrived, the intruder had broken the glass and was reaching in for the lock.  Dora was banging on his knuckles with a frying pan. 

“HELP!” Dora cried out.

“HELP!” cried the madman as well.

“HELP!” wailed the twins on the couch, watching The Living Dead on demand.   

The police sprinted up the walk and knocked the intruder face down in the azaleas.  Dora dropped the hockey stick and skillet in the foyer and burst out the door, yelling, “SHOOT HIM.  JUST SHOOT HIM.”  The officer tasered the prone intruder until he flopped around like a fish. 

Dragged to the squad car and cuffed to the door handle, the shocked villain wept.  His electric burns were severe. 

Dora said, “Officer, he could have killed me!  What took you so long?”

The officer said, “Calm down.  Are your parents home?”

Dora said, “This isn’t my house.  I’m just babysitting here.”

The policeman took the intruder’s wallet and checked his ID.  “Ma’am, the address on his license is the same as this house.  He lives here.  Do you know him?”

“Let me see his face,” she said.

The officer said, “His ID says his name is Lawrence Higgs.  Sound familiar?”

“Oh!  That’s Mr. Higgs?  He’s the guy I’m babysitting for.  I didn’t recognize him.  Hi, Mr. Higgs.  How was your date?”

Higgs looked up and said, “Dora, I told you not to lock the deadbolts.”

“I’m sorry Mr. Higgs, but we were watching zombie movies.  We were scared.”

Higgs said, “You let my little twins watch zombie movies?”

Dora said, “They said you wouldn’t mind.”

The officer took Higgs’ cuffs off, and asked, “Do you want an ambulance?  You’re still a little shaky.”

“No,” said Higgs, “I just want to see that the twins are okay.”

The twins had sneaked out and were hiding behind the police car, watching and listening.  One held a hockey stick, the other a frying pan.  One said, “Don’t let Daddy bite you.”  The other said, “Aim for his brains.”