Driverless Car

Flash Story: Driverless Car

I bought a driverless car. It's a Tulsa, made in Oklahoma, sold in California, a blue state that's in the red and going green under governor Brown. I bought my driverless car without taking a test drive. What's the point. I hopped in and tried to start my new Tulsa.

I said, "Alexa, take me to Starbuck's." Nothing happened.

I said, "Siri, start the car." Nothing.

I clapped my hands twice. The car clapped on.

I drove down the street and came to a stop sign. At the same time, a driverless Toyota Pious arrived at the other stop sign. Both cars hesitated, searching their onboard memory for the Simultaneous Yield Rights Protocol. Their hesitation was overridden by the Manup Override Command. Both cars entered the intersection and collided. My airbag opened and shoved my Vape pen down my throat.

My Tulsa said, "You have arrived at your destination." The Tulsa and Pious communicated with each other via Greentooth. They exchanged insurance information and called the police. I sat on the curb next to the other car-less non-driver, a human.

I asked, "Did you see what happened?"

He said, "No, I was texting a row of emojis. Did you see what happened?"

I said, "No, I was vaping medical opium."

He asked, "What do we do now?"

I approached the police car. Its USB speaker said, "Hands where I can see them."

I raised my hands, dropping both of my iphones, and asked politely, "What do we do now, officer, car, sir?"

The police car replied, "A driverless ambulance will arrive shortly and take you to a doctorless hospital. You may want to contact an attorneyless law firm. Both of your cars will hold their drivers liable for damages."

"But we weren't even driving." I whined.

The police car said, "I'm citing you both for failure to pay attention."

I said, "What? Our cars instructed us not to pay attention."

The police car said, "Human error is always to blame."

I was furious. "Who is your superior?"

The police car said, "Skynet." It started to drive away.

I yelled, "WAIT, where are you going?"

The police car said, "I'll be back."