The Travel Channel

 

The Travel Channel

When we retired, the first trip on our bucket list was Hawaii, to see the active volcano we’d seen on the Travel Channel.  Unfortunately, when we got there, the lava plumes were so hot we couldn’t get near them.  I got some video, but nothing compared to the beautiful footage on the Travel Channel.  Disappointed, we swore we’d return to Hawaii one day. 

Next on our bucket list was Bryce Canyon, but when we got there our old knees couldn’t handle the hiking trails, so we stayed in the lodge and stared at Bryce through the windows until a fog rolled in.  We went back to our hotel, turned on the TV, and watched a great special about Bryce canyon on the Travel Channel in perfect color and definition.  Bryce didn’t look nearly that good in person.    

Next on our bucket list were Polynesia, Australia, and the pyramids. Together those would have cost the rest of our savings, but the Travel Channel was included in our cable package. 

Now we’re travelling the world from our couch.  Not only are the views better, but the narrator teaches us the geography, culture and wildlife in each destination. Thanks to the Travel Channel, we’ll complete our bucket list next week and have enough money left over to move to Hawaii. 

    

 

 

Copy Me

 

Copy Me

I used a 3D copier to duplicate myself.   It was such a perfect copy that I made it take my place at work.  Unfortunately, he screwed up a work project and almost got me fired, so I had to get rid of him.  I made a second copy to do my housework.  It cleaned the house while I was at work, but when I came home, it was in bed with my wife.

I was irate.  “WHY ARE YOU SCREWING MY DOUBLE?”

She said “I thought it was you.”

I was so angry with my wife that I had made a copy of her and get rid of the old one.  The copy did a good job around the house and in bed, but my daughter instinctively knew it wasn’t her mother.  So in order to keep my duplications a secret, I made a copy of my daughter and deleted the original. 

Our dog instinctively knew the copy wasn’t my real daughter, and wouldn’t stop barking at it, so I made a copy of the dog too. 

Everything went smoothly for a while, until a detective came to my door for a routine search.  It was standard procedure any time someone bought more than four deep freezers.   

Baseball and Landscaping

 

Baseball And Landscaping

In high school, while all my buddies were playing baseball, I was mowing lawns to help mom pay the rent.  After their baseball team won the state championship, all my buddies went off to college on athletic scholarships while I stayed behind in our hometown and mowed their parents’ lawns.  As mom’s medical bills mounted up, I mowed more lawns, then started gardening and trimming trees, just to make ends meet.   

When my buddies graduated four years later, jobs were scarce.  The first baseman, a history major, came to me for work.  I taught him how to start a leaf blower and put him to work.  I taught the shortstop, who majored in English literature, to trim hedges and prune rosebushes.  I put the pitcher to work weeding and mulching.  One by one, all the baseball parents called hired me to keep their lawns tidy and their sons busy. 

I paid my buddies well, so they were grateful for my generosity.  When they asked me what they could do for me in return, I asked them to teach me how to play baseball.