No Pulse
I
went to the doctor. He said I had no
pulse, no blood pressure, no vitals at all.
He ordered an EKG and sent me to a specialist. The cardiologist’s results were all flat
lines, so he sent me to a neurologist, who could find no brainwaves. A pulmonologist said I wasn’t breathing and a
hematologist found no blood. My
physician looked at all test results and said it might be something
serious. He referred me to a good
coroner.
After my autopsy, I asked, “How bad
is it, Doc?”
The coroner said, “I have bad
news. You better sit down.”
I asked, “Is it cancer? Heart disease? Is it my diet? Exercise?”
He said, “I’m afraid you’re
dead. There’s no cure, but there are a
lot of promising new treatments, mostly experimental.”
“Sign me up, Doc, I’ll try
anything.”
“You didn’t sign your donor
card. That’s going to be a stumbling
block.”
I asked, “Can I sign it now?”
“I’m afraid not. The dead have no binding signature
authority.”
I said, “I can pay. I have money in the bank.”
He said, “Your bank accounts are in
probate.”
“Will my insurance cover it?”
“We called them. They don’t honor claims from the dead.”
I asked, “Well, what can I do? Do I have any rights at all?”
The doctor said, “You can still
vote. They’ll never take that away from
you.”
